To be Needed…

What’s up fam…

I don’t know what led me to think about this today…

oh yeah…I know what it was…i was listening to this song:

This is one of my favorite songs by Jilly from Philly. Jill goes WAY in on this song. When I first heard this song, it hit me so hard, and continues to hit me harder with each listen. She says…not only do I need you…but WE need you.

The concept of the song is so simple…so elementary…so uplifting. She’s able to express her need for a man, without looking or sounding weak; an expression that many modern women simply don’t know how to do. In our generation (Generation X’ers, Millennium Generation, etc), it is not common place to express the NEED of a man. But look at the statistics. 70% of all Black households are headed by a single mother…so, on some honest level, many women don’t feel the NEED for a man.

Jill’s NEED was deeper, though. Her need was spiritual…physical…existential. Her NEED wasn’t about making her, as a woman, feel better of loved or self-actualized…it was more like…WE NEED YOU…men…specifically, Black Men.

We need you around the house. We need your presence. We need your strength. We need you to teach our boys to hold their heads high. We need you to stabilize our communities….We need you to assist…We need you to lead! WE NEED YOU.

So many (black) men NEVER hear that. As a matter of fact…many media outlets joke about “men” and our need to FEEL needed. Do y’all understand how much sabotage is in that sentiment. It tells women that all they have to do is “make their men feel needed…” (even though you don’t REALLY need them). Does that make sense? That’s a set-up, y’all. I’ve heard women joke and laugh about keeping breaking things around the house so their husbands can fix it. LOL. Crazy, right?

Look at Jill’s face when she says “I NEED YOU…WE NEED YOU.” She means it. She sings “Even though I can do all these things…I need you..”

Please listen to this entire song…and reflect!

PS, If I and/or Jill weren’t married…she’d be singing to me, right now. LOL.


2 thoughts on “To be Needed…

  1. Love this Mike. You bring up a great point. As a single woman that kinda has my stuff together, I get that alot from men….Do you NEED a man? I am like YES… I NEED YOU.. I NEED A MAN! For all the reasons you listed and more. I think most women should emphasize that more. I know I need to work on that as well. As strong independent women, I think we often get it twisted and associate that NEED as a weakness. I now get it, now I know that it is only a Strength!!!


  2. Deep! This made me reflect on the difference between BEING needed and FEELING needed – and while they are two very different emotional and sometimes physical experiences – they are equally profound. YES!!! JILL HITS IT!!! She really gets it at the “root” and pours her soul into it…and it moves me to remember my power in the process – as a’s ok to remind other men…that WE are NEEDED…AND that I need MEN!!! REAL MEN…who can help me to be a better MAN!!! This is only a reply…so I’ll cut it here…but I can’t stop thinking about how this relates to the LATINO culture – perhaps you have moved me to write something!!! Nah, we’ll just talk about it – LOL GOOD WORK MAN!


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